


Five times Aziraphale tried to seduce Crowley with food and the one time he managed to

by alexisriversong



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Getting Together, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Love, M/M, Seduction, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 16:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20195077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexisriversong/pseuds/alexisriversong
Summary: As it says in the title





	Five times Aziraphale tried to seduce Crowley with food and the one time he managed to

**Author's Note:**

> This sucks... first time trying to write them and its hard!

The most common belief was that Crowley had fallen in love with Aziraphale first and then seduced him during the 6000 years they had known each other. This belief was actually wrong. Aziraphale had realized he was in love with the demon approximately at the time of Jesus’s crucifixion. When the demon told him he had shown the man the world because he knew what was going to happen to him.

  
Crowley had probably been in love from the Beginning, as was Aziraphale, but the first to realize and admit it was not the demon, but the angel. It took thinking that Aziraphale was gone forever to make the demon realize his feelings and that only happened during the Almost Armageddon when he saw the fire engulfing the bookshop and no angel anywhere. But that’s much ahead of the story.

  
You should know, that angels, in general, don’t feel love for a single person or entity, they feel a love for every single thing in the universe, for everything in creation. That means they have no idea how loving one person works and that was how the angel found himself making a series of mistakes trying to court the demon. At the time of Aziraphale first realization of his feelings for Crowley, there weren’t useful magazines with “how to seduce your man” articles and Aziraphale had no one he could ask. He couldn’t imagine it going well if he started asking other angels. He would surely be cast down!

  
In Rome, there were multiple orgies and people were much more liberal with their sex and love lives. Aziraphale had started looking at couples and even went to a couple “parties” to see how it was done. He found carnal love… weird. He could feel when a couple was really in love and that showed in their couplings and it was beautiful, it was not as beautiful when there was no love between them though, it was just a coupling of the flesh, not of hearts.

  
He never tried anything. If he was not with Crowley, then it made no sense. The only thing he really liked about orgies was the food. That’s how he came to the conclusion that the only way to seduce someone, was with food.

  
** 41 AD - Rome**

  
They were at Petronius’s restaurant. Aziraphale had discovered that Oysters were a delightful food at one of the parties he had attended, they seemed to be fit for a seduction they apparently did something to the human body that made it want to copulate.

  
He had been so happy to see Crowley again, even if he did look a bit worse for wear, and those glasses hid his beautiful eyes from view. He wondered what had happened to him since Golgotha…

  
He put those thoughts to the side and went back to his meal. Apparently, demons liked oysters too. Crowley seemed happy and the wine was flowing. It took them a lot of alcohol to become intoxicated, but they managed to get drunk soon enough.

  
During the meal, Aziraphale got more handy than usual, blaming the alcohol for his behaviour and flirting at the best of his abilities (not really well) with the demon. When it was time to say goodbye, the angel proposed they went to his house to keep drinking, but the demon refused politely.

  
“Work to do angel. People to tempt, you know the drift”

  
“Right. Maybe we should sober up first then. If we have to work”

  
“I have to work and it’s funnier to do it drunk”

  
“Well… surely if you have a tempting to do, I should be there to thwart you”

  
“Good luck with that angel!” said the demon before disappearing and leaving him alone and drunk. He decided it was early to sober up and went to the place that was his house in that time and place. Maybe he should read more about love and seduction before attempting again.

  
**537 AD, Kingdom of West Essex**

  
“Did you really mean it before?” was the first thing the demon told him when they met right after their conversation as the white and black knight. What was the issue with Crowley and black anyway? Just because he was a demon and his wings were black didn’t mean he had to show it in such a bad choice of colours for everything. It was kinda depressing if he was honest with himself. Didn’t mean the color didn’t fit him though.

  
He shouldn’t be the one to talk about colours, he loved white and not only because he was an angel. White was such a pure color, but in reality it was just an over aboundance of colors. Much more complicated than what you saw, much like him. Could he consider himself pure though? He had fallen in love with a demon after all. And had not so pure thoughts about him. He must be though. He was an angel after all.

  
Not the point, the point was… Crowley had accepted to meet him for lunch even if he had refused to collaborate with him only a couple of weeks prior.  
“Yes, of course, as an angel it wouldn’t be really… I don’t know I just can’t do it. Maybe some other time”

  
“Maybe” Crowley twirled his beer in his cup. Not really one of their favourite alcoholic drinks so far, but it was what everyone drank in those days.

  
“So… what have you been doing?” he was so awkward, he really had yet to learn a lot of things about love and flirting.

  
“Everything the same. You know, it’s fun being a knight. I could do without the constant fear of getting discorporated though. I don’t really want to spend any long period in Hell while I wait to get a new body. I much prefer it here on Earth”

  
Aziraphale wished he was one of the reasons that statement was true. He didn’t seem to be any closer to seducing the demon though, he decided there was going to be a next time to try that looked more promising.

**1661, England, London, Globe Theatre**

  
Nit much time had passed since he had accepted their Arrangement. They had met a couple of times during that time and Aziraphale had been really happy to know that Hamlet had been quite the hit and that Shakespear was doing quite well at the time. The Globe had recently been restored and the angel thought it was going to be a good opportunity to try again to seduce the demon.

  
Someone had told him about the production and how good they were. He managed to invite the demon the next time they met and off they went.

  
As usual, the theatre was crowded, they had a balcony all to themselves though, like royalty. A dame came up to them offering food and Aziraphale happily bought two apples, the irony of the situation making him giggle when he offered the fruit to the demon.

  
“Are you kidding me?” asked the demon with a grin.

  
“What? Is just an apple”

  
“Right” said the other grabbing it and eating a bite. Aziraphale grinned to himself and watched as Juliet and Romeo died on scene.

  
When it was over, he looked at Crowley and smiled when he saw he had eaten his whole apple. He had tempted the demon from Eden to eat an apple, what a funny concept.

  
“A bit sad. Should have gone to watch one of the funny ones”

  
“Yes, right, sad. Should we go have a drink somewhere? To lift our spirits!”

  
“Not really in the mood angel. Thanks for the show… and the apple” he left with a wave of his hand and a grin on his face.

  
Aziraphale observed him leave with a sad expression on his face. Another failure. Would he ever manage to win him over?

** 1793, France, Paris**

It had NOT been on purpose, he had no idea about the revolution and he was not waiting for Crowley to come save him. He just… didn’t want to use too many miracles to leave. Once the demon appeared though, he couldn’t hide his happiness. It had been a while since they had managed to meet.

  
“This is the best place to eat crepes in all the world”

  
“If you say so. Don’t really see the appeal with food”

  
“What? You must try this! Come on” he said holding his fork out for Crowley. If someone found it odd, no one said a thing.

  
Crowley obliged and ate the morcel. He chewed a bit and nodded. “Tasty. Not worth almost getting discorporated though”

  
And that was that. They chatted amiably all the time it took for Aziraphale to finish and quietly shared some morcels of the crepes. It was really intimate and loving. Of course it had to finish with work discussions. The angel was starting to hate his work, always getting in the way of him confessing his feelings.

  
They decided Crowley had to do both temptation and miracle in America and they separated each one on their different path. The angel was starting to lose hope.

  
**1941, London**

  
They didn’t get many other chances to eat together after that. They didn’t talk for a while after Crowley asked him for holy water. In the end, if he was really committed to the idea, he was going to give him some, hoping he was not going to use it on himself but on some other demon trying to hurt him. But for the moment, he had just been saved again.

  
The demon must really feel something for him if he had walked on consecrated ground for him and had also saved his books.

  
“Let me offer you dinner,” he suggested.

“I accept. Should we go somewhere without bombings though?”

“My bookshop is a safe haven. No one will touch us there” he also wanted to put his precious books in a safe place so they wouldn’t fall into the wrong hands.  
Understanding, the demon led him to the car, a black Bentley, he had a feeling that the car was important to the other and that he loved it. He smiled. Crowley’s love was beautiful, he just wished it was directed at himself.

  
They drank cocoa and ate biscuits, the times were hard and it was difficult to find food. Aziraphale preferred limiting his food intake so as to leave more for the humans. They actually needed the nourishment, he didn’t.

  
They also shared some alcohol that the angel kept hidden in the cellar he had created under his bookshop.

  
Afterwards though, Crowley asked him about holy water again and they finished shouting at each other and the demon left, fuming. Not really how Aziraphale had thought it was going to go.

** Three days after the non-apocalypse**

  
He had read on the internet that he should do a series of things to show Crowley his love and seduce him. He had no time during the years preceding the non-apocalypse, to try and keep up his seduction game. There had been multiple lunches and dinners, but they were too preoccupied with the imminent apocalypse for Aziraphale to try and seduce Crowley.

  
After everything was said and done though. They had all the time in the world.

  
He started inviting him to a picnic for dinner. The weather was nice and St. James Park was almost empty. The stars shone in the sky and it was really romantic. He had brought him red roses and a picnic basket full of food and wine. He even brought a kettle for tea making.

  
He put everything on a tartan sheet he had brought and waited. They had decided they would meet at the park so Aziraphale could put everything in order before Crowley’s arrival. He patiently waited for his friend, checking his pocket watch from time to time. He was anxious, he was sure this was going to be the right time.

After the fifth time he checked his watch, Crowley arrived and smiled at him. “Hello angel! This looks nice! Are the flowers for me?” he asked rising his eyebrows.

The angel just smiled and invited him to seat. They chatted amiably and if they were both a bit more touchy feely than usual while sitting on the grass in the park having a picnic, no one was looking.

It was the banana that did the trick though. He had heard that they were the right fruit to eat for a seduction and the angel decided to give it a try. He ate the banana as seductively as he could, swallowing around it and making lewd sounds. He could feel Crowley freezing close to him and suddenly the fruit was somewhere else and Crowley was in his lap.

“Enough of that angel” he growled before closing the distance between them and kissing him, hard. When they separated for unnecessary breathing, they were panting and their lips were red.

“Finally” muttered the angel before resuming the kissing.

Crowley didn’t ask why the angel had said that. He knew he had been an idiot before, no need to remember him of the fact.

“Not going to leave you ever again” were the muttered promises against each other lips. The grass cushioned their fall when they lost their equilibrium and they laughed at their silliness.

The rain started suddenly, not letting them know before hand. They were used to it by now. London weather. They didn’t move for a while, getting soaked under the sky.

“Pity that the stars are now covered, they were so beautiful, like you” muttered the angel looking up.

“I created some of them you know?”

“Maybe sometimes you can show me which ones”

“It will be my pleasure”

“I love you. Loved you for a while”

“And I love you my angel, lets go home though, I’m getting soaked”

Home was the bookshop, home was the place they spent the most time together, where they had fun and strengthened their relationship.

They miracled themselves home and brought the picnic with them. Aziraphale led his soon to be lover up the stairs and they finally found out what sex was like.

Outside, the sky cleared from clouds and a beautiful rainbow appeared in the sky. Perfect symbol of the new status of the Earth’s saviors. They were finally lovers in all the meanings of the word.

Seduction accomplished.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are love!


End file.
